Back in my teens and early twenties I loved bowling. While I despised most sport activities due to
my lack of ability, I had become pretty good bowling. This was more because of the amount of time
and practice I had put in. Let’s face
it, when you live in rainy Western Washington, it was one of the few activities
you could do year round.
Because I was good at it, I enjoyed it, as simple as that.
Well, a couple of weeks back I participated in a company
team build event. This year it was bowling
at the Presidio Bowl. And while I felt
competent, I was quickly tagged as the ringer.
With this added pressure, I began the first game with the humble goal of
breaking 100 which I achieved. Really,
my thought was to use the first game as a warm-up, getting the cobwebs and dust
off of my game, and then bowling at least 150 on the next two. My best game ever was a 265 with most games
hovering between 185 and 210. However,
that was over twenty years ago!
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| First 50K, pretty fun day! |
Early on I quickly found my analytical side kick in. The
side of me that focuses on the mechanics of the sport: weight of the ball, the
angle of the ball rolling down the lane, am I lining the ball at the right spot
on the lane guides, what is my stride, where do I begin that stride, etc. This is constantly going through my
brain. And thus I lost the enjoyment of
the game.
Everyone else on the team was having fun though. 1 pin hit, a round of high fives. Two gutter balls in a row, woo hoo! Meanwhile I was grimacing at every 9 pin
set. I reached the point where I had
lost the fun of the sport. On the third
game, I finally realized what I was doing and just gave in to the fun. While our team had one of the lowest accumulations
of points we won the trophy for the team that clearly had the most fun.
One of my greatest Achilles heels is my analytical
nature. I can’t ever shut it off! This especially happens in activities where
there is the opportunity to improve. See,
while above I stated that I despised most sport activities, I put very little effort
or interest into those activities. This
played a bit into my self-esteem since when I was asked (required) to
participate I failed miserably. To
prevent further hurt, I would try to analyze how to improve to the point where
I would overthink the activity which would further increase the likelihood of
failure.
That said, running and cycling has typically been the
activities that I have had no problem shutting my brain off and just
participate. In fact, I have really enjoyed
this aspect, until recently. I now find
that I am again back to overthinking every aspect of these activities.
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| Nothing more fun than eating cow pie on a run! |
The greatest drivers have been the slow creep of my weight
gain and the use of programs like Strava to really see how I am failing. It was
just two years ago I was running a 1:51 half marathon, now I would be good to
run a 2:10 flat marathon. Also, training
also for the Diablo 50K and running more with “the guys” during that training
further highlighted my insecurities. Finally, changes with work, starting a new
industry, and unlearning my old job for a new job further heightened those
anxieties.
It is funny how these insecurities have manifest themselves,
especially through this blog. I have
found that my writing has migrated from the fun of running and exercise and conquering
past weight issues to writing about things that I have only an analytical
understanding of. To further feed my
insecurities, I have become handy with Reddit, LinkedIn, and the Runners World forums to drive readers to my posts. I
have become neurotic at checking my StatCounter (sometimes on a minute by
minute basis) just to see how many page views I can accumulate.
The problem is that now running is no longer fun but
something I do.
That was until I ran the Dirty Dozen 12 hour event earlier
this month. Without a mileage target, I
no longer could come up with an overly analyzed strategy. I had to turn to forums to find out my
answers instead of using them to drive traffic.
I ran with folks at the event that were just there to enjoy running.
My wife for the last few months has been asking when I just
will stop and enjoy running like I used to.
At this race I finally was able to do it. I slowed down, even took an hour just to rest,
eat a hot dog and a Mexican Coca Cola, and push for the final miles.
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| Canyon Meadows 30K, I love running with my wife! |
Running is definitely my best way to shut off my brain and
have fun, which I will be doing more of going forward. I will be enjoying my runs going
forward. I will always have
insecurities, but I do not need to bring them to the run! And you should see me more on the trails on
those early morning runs going forward.
Time now for more running less thinking……a lot more fun!
Love you, babe!
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